Looking for Authentic Love in a Modern World
Love has had different meanings for me over the years.
When I was younger, love was a rush. The excitement of getting a new toy turned into excitement of meeting new boys. Love was giddy. My love was childish.
As I grew older I realized love was a game (and I didn’t know how to play it). One day I was supposed to be hot, the next day totally cold. Instead of playing, I chose to be honest.
That was my first big mistake.
I allowed my heart to fall in love with a boy who didn’t love me. Yet, I loved authentically. Love is fluid, it has no boundaries or rules. When we let ourselves go in love we move quickly. The problem is that sometimes the momentum takes us deep into a relationship that God hasn’t blessed. When that happens, we’re destined for heartbreak.
If God is love then separation from God can be equivalent to having a broken heart.
[tweetthis]If God is love then separation from God can be equivalent to having a broken heart.[/tweetthis]
The older I got the less I cared about love. After the heartbreak I had when I was younger, I didn’t think I would love anyone how I had loved my first love. Ever.
Living brokenhearted, I was careless with my love and just after my 21st birthday, I found out I was pregnant.
I had a son and boy did I love him (still do!). I took all the love I had stored up over the years and poured it into him. He became my companion, my confidant, my knight in shining armour. I worked hard to provide a life for us and I did well. We had a home. We had a beautiful life together. We were a little family.
But I still felt a longing in my heart. I wanted to be loved.
So I allowed myself to fall in love again but he was brokenhearted too.
I finally got to the point where I didn’t have anyone else who could make me feel loved. I turned to God in frustration saying, “Why?! I’m a good wife! I’m a good mother! I just want someone to love me who will love me back! Someone who will treat me well! Someone who will have my back!”.
God said, “Love Me.”
… love Him?
Not knowing what else to do, I read God’s word. I wrote His promises on sticky notes and stuck them to my bathroom wall. I talked to Him. I cried to Him. I trusted Him.
And for the last time, I allowed myself fall in love.
We’re all searching for authentic love. We think it’s the kind of love we see in movies, on television or that our neighbor down the street seems to have. Born with this need to feel connected and significant, we search in all the wrong places. But really, we’re desperate for love because we’re separated from it.
We were born with broken hearts.
God did eventually fill my life with people to love but only after I loved Him first. God made us to love Him and we’ll never be satisfied until we do. We can’t love authentically until we’ve been loved authentically.
I know what that feels like now. Do you?
“…that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
Hello! I’m Leah. I’m a twenty-something blogger, writer and hairstylist. I was living with my husband in New York until he went into long-term treatment for addiction. Unable to afford to stay, I moved home to rural Ontario, Canada with my two young boys to start my life over and put my husband in God’s hands for healing and recovery. In November of 2015, God put it in on my heart to help other women in their “Hopelessmess” and the “Live, Love, Hope” Community was born!