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I’ve always pictured myself growing up with a daughter; doing the mother-daughter teas, mother-daughter dances, mother-daughter retreats.

I dreamed of sitting them down and having all “the talks.” You know, the dating talk, the self-worth talks, the marriage talk, the sex talk; all the relationship talks. I know that might seem weird to some, but I’ve always been the mentoring type. Those conversations are what I live for.

4 truths every young woman and daughter needs to know about themselves before entering into a dating/romantic relationship. @mrslotanner #lacedwithpurpose

Well, now our family is complete and surprise; I am still the only lady in the house. So I might not get to have this conversation with daughters of my own but I get to have this conversation with other women, which is just as rewarding.

And you know, now that I think about it, this sort of discussion shouldn’t be confined to just mothers and daughters. It’s a discussion that women should be having with each other,  fathers should be teaching their sons, and men should be having between each other. It’s too important to go unmentioned. So let’s get to it.

4 Truths to Know About You Before Getting Into A Relationship

1. Know Your Identity.

Listen, we all love a good compliment every now and then. I know they paint a smile on your face and put a little extra pep (for lack of a better word) in your step, and even make you feel like you belong. We all want that, but Love, that is no reason to enter into a relationship.

You can get all of that without being in a dating/romantic relationship. You just need to know whose you are and the rest will follow.

So whose are you?

Well, let me tell you. You are a daughter of the King, created in His likeness (His image); royalty, an heir to His throne. Chosen. You are God’s masterpiece.

Before you became anything else you were His. God’s given you such an incredible identity! So claim it. Claim your crown. And before you give some lucky dude the honor of being in a relationship with you (hopefully forever), make sure he fully recognizes whose you are.

2. Know Your Worth.

If you are looking for a man or a relationship to give you some sort of value or worth, you are looking in the wrong place. This type of romantic relationship is not where you worth originated from. Sure you’ll come across a man or two who makes you feel beautiful, smart, and treasures you like a rare gem; but honey, you were all those things BEFORE He came into the picture.

Yes, you are those things (smart, beautiful, strong, capable, lovely, and so on); but you are those things because God said so. And He has placed more value on you than any person or relationship ever could. So much so, that He sent His Son to take the blame for all the wrong we have ever done and instead of punishment, He has offered us life with Him. Forever.

So, darling, the weight of your worth is heavy. Just know that.

3. Know Your Priorities

Every relationship goes through stages. They start at point “A” (typically) and work their way through the alphabet. The deeper and more intimate the relationship becomes, the more of a priority it becomes. So ask yourself this; do you have time to dedicate to this relationship? Are you willing to make it a priority?

And flipping the equation a little here’s something else to think about.

My husband and I started seeing each other while I was in college. And the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted to be with him, and eventually, He became my biggest priority; And as much as I hate to admit it… He even became more of a priority to me than my relationship with Jesus. As a Christian, that is a dangerous place to be in.

Even in marriage, your relationship with God comes second to none. He is always the priority. 

4. Know Your Boundaries

There is so much to say about this topic,  I simply can’t write it all in this one space. So we’re moving this conversation to another post. Actually, we’ve made it into a series. Let me preference the conversation by saying boundaries are not the devil most people think they are. If you use them correctly, the boundaries you set will protect all that is precious to you in this life. The world likes to tell us that boundaries make us prude, stuck up, and a whole lot of other less than admirable things. I’m here to tell you, setting healthy boundaries is a habit of the wise. And a man who can’t respect your boundaries is a man who isn’t ready to enjoy the blessing you are. You, my dear, are too valuable to be stepped on and walked all over. 

Let’s step into my boundaries series and chat about a few ways you can keep that from happening.

I’m curious to know, what advice would you give to young ladies before they enter into a relationship? Or for those of you who have “been there, done that,” what advice would you give your younger self if you had the chance to? 

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24 thoughts on “4 Truths to Know About You Before You Start Dating”

  1. Good information! After reading your post I would tell my younger-ish self to “know who you are and whose you are” like you said and to not let anyone make me question my worth, even my self.

  2. My friends and I made lists of what we wanted in a husband. We prayed over our lists. All of us ended up marrying someone that fulfilled all those qualities. The right one is worth the wait. Once you meet that person you will wish you hadn’t wasted time on anyone else.

    1. I used to do that when I was younger. My sister and I would do it together; makes lists of qualities we wanted in our husband to be. What’s funny is my husband now, is nothing like the man in my list. But I’m glad!

      Her husband, it like a replica of her list.

      And yes! that is a great piece of advice. The right one IS worth the wait.

  3. This was great! Goodness I couldn’t write out all the things I would tell my younger self. Probably the most important thing would be your worth is not in men and you don’t have to be on a mans arm to have worth. I idolized men’s attention (currently writing a blog on this) since I was young and it led to deep destruction. Thank you for your heart to mentor women.

    1. I remember struggling in that arena too. Thinking I was valuable only because of whose arms I was in. The only “man” that statement would be true for is God. Glad I know that now.

  4. I share two main things – pay attention to how they treat EVERYONE (your/their family, the waitress, the pastor, the jerk that just cut them off on the highway), that will tell you how they will eventually treat you. And, go slow! It’s such a wonderful time when you first meet someone but time will tell how you really fit together.
    I also have to comment on what tara8910 said – i made a list as well and prayed over it and whoever my future husband was. I have been married 3 years to a wonderful man but, let me tell you, he does not have a LOT of the qualities I had on that list. Yes, the BIG ones (Godly man, honest, etc) but whoooeee. I’m glad I didn’t stick too close to that list, otherwise I would have said goodbye (he’s an adorable nerd and I wanted an outdoorsy/build your house with his own two hands type) God’s plans are bigger than we can ever dream of!!! (i’m not bashing tara at all here, just an observation to remember not to put God into a box) =) Thanks for these great reminders!

  5. Love this!!! So true! So many times we don’t stop to think about these things, and end up places we don’t want to be.

    The only thing I would add is just knowing that love isn’t about feelings. It’s not how the other person makes you feel, or what they can do for you, but whether or not you are committed to sharing life with them.

  6. These are wonderful things to remember! So important to find out who you are and what God is calling you to do before jumping into a relationship or even before you start seeking one out!

  7. Loved reading this. I’d love to be able to tell my younger self to be more careful about the people I surrounded myself with. As a young teenager I was at church a lot and loved the youth group there. But once the youth leaders left and the group dissolved, I started hanging out with kids at school and ended up doing things I knew I shouldn’t have been doing. That got me into trouble and now here I am, a single mom with a 19 month old. I don’t regret all my decisions because I wouldn’t have my son, but some of my choices sure could have been better.

    1. I can relate to that and to be honest probably would have given myself the same advice. But kds are such a blessing! I love how God makes good out of our circumstances. I was a single mom for a while with my firstborn also. So I can totally relate 🙂
      Thanks for reading!

    1. I will have to do that!! Thanks Samantha for the idea and the encouragement! 🙂 And for stopping by to read. That’s so cool of you.

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