Have you ever found yourself in one of those heavy and heated conversations with your spouse that make you just want to just want to scream? For whatever reason, he’s not hearing you and you’re not even trying to hear him out anymore because you’re too busy standing up for yourself. Minutes have come and gone and the only part of this conversation you can both agree on is that it needs to end.
So, he throws up his hands and is off to his man cave, and of course, you get the last word. With one hand on your hip and the other in the air you let out a loud, declarative, “Fine!” And off to your room, you go.
Is It Ever Okay To Go To Bed Angry?
You could have ended that conversation a thousand different ways and that’s exactly what you’re thinking as you close your bedroom door behind you and crawl into bed; frustrated, exhausted, and just too angry to angry to deal.
That’s been me on many occasions. Sometimes conversations just get too heated to accomplish anything right then and there. It’s okay to recognize that. In fact, it’s wise to recognize that. Sometimes you’ll need to step away from a conversation to protect your relationship and the heart of your husband. But what do you do with your anger in the mean time?
Dealing With Anger Before The Sun Goes Down
There is a time and a place to deal with the anger that you are feeling. That time and place is right then and right there. Anger is not something that you want to let linger. The longer it lingers and the bigger it becomes the more distance you’ll begin to place between you and your husband. And with that distance comes ample opportunity for the devil to work his way into your heart and marriage. God actually warns of this in Ephesians 4:26-27.
“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”
I’m sure you’ve heard the ever popular advice, “just sleep it off.” And if you’re anything like the girl in the scenario above (don’t forget, I’ve been her too), you’re probably about to do just that. I want to encourage you not to. Take the high road and deal with the anger you’re experiencing before you go to bed.
Forgiving vs. Forgetting
I’ve heard women explain that they choose to go to bed angry knowing they will wake up in the morning having forgotten whatever it was they were mad about in the first place. Even if that were true 100% of the time, Forgetting and forgiving are two completely different things. Anger is typically our response to an offense and until you deal with that offense, anger and the discomfort and conflict that flows from it will continue to access to your heart as often as they choose to. Forgiveness is what closes the door on the enemy and replaces distance in your marriage with intimacy and connection.
So next time you and your man get in a “tizzy” don’t wait until morning to make peace with him. Choose then and there to honor him, respect your relationship, and please by forgiving anything that may have caused you hurt; and leave the rest of the conversation for another day. It’s as simple as saying this, “Hon, I love you but I am too frustrated to have this conversation right now. Can we talk about it tomorrow?” Be sure to kiss him goodnight. Get alone with Jesus, ask Him to help you forgive that man you love, let go of any offenses, and THEN get some sleep.