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Have you ever found yourself in one of those heavy and heated conversations with your spouse that make you just want to just want to scream? For whatever reason, he’s not hearing you and you’re not even trying to hear him out anymore because you’re too busy standing up for yourself. Minutes have come and gone and the only part of this conversation you can both agree on is that it needs to end. 

So, he throws up his hands and is off to his man cave, and of course, you get the last word. With one hand on your hip and the other in the air you let out a loud, declarative, “Fine!” And off to your room, you go.

 It Ever Okay To Go To Bed Angry @mrslotanner

Is It Ever Okay To Go To Bed Angry?

You could have ended that conversation a thousand different ways and that’s exactly what you’re thinking as you close your bedroom door behind you and crawl into bed; frustrated, exhausted, and just too angry to angry to deal.

Sound familiar?

That’s been me on many occasions. Sometimes conversations just get too heated to accomplish anything right then and there. It’s okay to recognize that. In fact, it’s wise to recognize that. Sometimes you’ll need to step away from a conversation to protect your relationship and the heart of your husband. But what do you do with your anger in the mean time? 

Dealing With Anger Before The Sun Goes Down

There is a time and a place to deal with the anger that you are feeling. That time and place is right then and right there. Anger is not something that you want to let linger. The longer it lingers and the bigger it becomes the more distance you’ll begin to place between you and your husband. And with that distance comes ample opportunity for the devil to work his way into your heart and marriage. God actually warns of this in Ephesians 4:26-27.

“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

I’m sure you’ve heard the ever popular advice, “just sleep it off.” And if you’re anything like the girl in the scenario above (don’t forget, I’ve been her too), you’re probably about to do just that. I want to encourage you not to. Take the high road and deal with the anger you’re experiencing before you go to bed.

Forgiving vs. Forgetting

I’ve heard women explain that they choose to go to bed angry knowing they will wake up in the morning having forgotten whatever it was they were mad about in the first place. Even if that were true 100% of the time, Forgetting and forgiving are two completely different things. Anger is typically our response to an offense and until you deal with that offense, anger and the discomfort and conflict that flows from it will continue to access to your heart as often as they choose to. Forgiveness is what closes the door on the enemy and replaces distance in your marriage with intimacy and connection.

So next time you and your man get in a “tizzy” don’t wait until morning to make peace with him. Choose then and there to honor him, respect your relationship, and please by forgiving anything that may have caused you hurt; and leave the rest of the conversation for another day. It’s as simple as saying this, “Hon, I love you but I am too frustrated to have this conversation right now. Can we talk about it tomorrow?” Be sure to kiss him goodnight. Get alone with Jesus, ask Him to help you forgive that man you love, let go of any offenses, and THEN get some sleep.


13 thoughts on “Is It Ever Okay To Go To Bed Angry?”

  1. You ended with our strategy! We can’t have deep conversations until we get time alone which means also close to his bedtime. If he stays up past 9, he is getting less than 6 hours of sleep. No bueno. So we pause. I’m not happy about …, but I love you. We can talk about it tomorrow. And we hug and kiss. The next day cooler heads prevail and we can talk without hurt or angry feelings. If we can solve it before sleeping, we always do but sometimes we need to step back and process to be able to solve the issue instead of letting emotion make it worse.

  2. I think we’ve all gone to bed with anger towards someone or other. Obviously it’s not God’s best but sometimes forgiveness is a process that takes time plus we’re all in different places on our walk so I think it’s unfair have the same expectations for everyone. Thanks for sharing.

    1. HI Penny, thanks for sharing your input! In some situation forgiveness is something that we have to do multiple times and healing from hurt can often take time. But forgiveness is that first step to healing from any hurt. It’s a protection for us, more than it is a benefit for anyone else. And one of the greatest ways to be an example of Christ and His love. I’ve been in plenty of situations where I felt like I just couldn’t forgive. It was just too much. But it’s amazing what we are able to accomplish when we ask God to help us. Sometimes we have to borrow God’s strength to forgive like we should.

  3. I always get right with God as soon as I know of any sin in my life. If you are angry about the sin in someone else’s life, that is probably not sinful anger. Any other anger that is selfish is sin.

  4. Never go to bed angry….No one sleeps and those feelings just fester and alllow the enemy to build a wedge between you. There is nothing the enemy loves more than to destroy a family over a something which starts out so trivial, but ends up blowing into something big. We have stayed up late before to settle something, but sleep better because it is resolved. We always end by praying for each other. However, making up can be fun 🙂

  5. There is definitely a difference between going to bed angry and having to work out every detail of the situation. You hit on this very well. We’ve found what’s really effective for us, is to come together in prayer over our relationship, over any hurt that happened, and ask for guidance in how to resolve the situation and allow us to show love rather than anger towards each other. This often brings u to what you said – finding a way to forgive and resolve the issues later.

    Holding onto love instead of anger is the best thing to do before closing your eyes.

  6. I love this! Thankfully my husband and I don’t fight as much now as we did in the first couple months of our relationship, but whenever we did fight before we said goodbye or went to bed, I couldn’t just forget about it! I would wake up still angry, moody, and feeling passive aggressive. Now we work things out at least to a point where we can kiss goodnight or goodbye and then talk about it later. Another thing I’ve found helpful is resolving a discussion before leaving for work. If I leave and we’re still fighting, I’m miserable all day. Nursing our pride is not worth failing to resolve a relationship!

    1. That is some wise advice! I’m glad you shared that piece about making sure you and your husband are on good terms before you leave the house for work. I had to learn that lesson on many occasion and you’re right the peace that comes from humbling ourselves, shoving our pride to the side and resolving the issue is so WORTH IT!

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