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I don’t know anyone who has ever entered a marriage with distance being the goal they agree to accomplish… But somehow it happens. Somehow distance shows up. And when it does you have two options:

1. You can either nurture it and continue to grow further and further apart.


2. You can eliminate it, by choosing instead to make CONNECTION the goal of your marriage.

How Did We Get Here?

The truth is every relationship has one of two goals: connection or disconnection. – Danny Silk (Keep Your Love On)

These goals can only be accomplished one way, and that is through action. The way a wife behaves and treats her husband on a day to day basis will reveal whether the goal for her marriage is connection or distance (disconnection).

Distance is the result of our choices. It doesn’t just show up in our marriages.  It’s invited in and built upon.  And it’s typically not a one-sided thing. The blame doesn’t fall on just one person or the other.  I am very much aware that a husband’s actions may also be contributing the distance in his marriage. However, I don’t write for husbands, I write to encourage wives.

So today I want us, wives, to step away from the blame game and take a real honest look at our actions (in the context of our marriage). Let’s pinpoint some of these behaviors and talk about what it looks like to nurture distance in a marriage relationship. Here’s a list of 10 behaviors that reveal the goal of your marriage has somehow shifted from connection to distance.

10 Tell All Signs the Goal of Your Marriage Is Distance…

1. You speak critically to (and of) your husband more often than you edify him.

2. You no longer desire or follow through with doing things for your husband; finding ways to bless him.

3. You’ve placed work, friends, or other relationships above your marriage.

4. You only put into your marriage as much as your husband gives.

5. Your don’t offer or participate in physical affection.

6. You don’t have a friendship. Or if you do, your friendship is falling apart.

7. You begin to keep secrets from him.

8. You no longer speak the words, “I love You.”

9. You look past the value of his opinions, perspectives, and insights.

10. You stop sharing your heart with him.

If you’re like me, you’ve pleaded guilty to at least one or two behaviors on this list. Before you pat yourself on the back for scoring such a low number, I want you to consider this. One or two may not be a high number, but it is still plenty opportunity to nurture distance in a marriage. And the more acceptable that distance becomes, the larger it is going to get.

It’s the little things that sneak in, compound and create the gap between you and your husband.

Fixing the Disconnect

So maybe your noticing now how great the distance between you and your husband has become. Maybe now you are realizing you’ve been nurturing the wrong goal.
If that’s you, you should know there is a method to breaking the cycle. It’s called Keep Your Love On. Fair warning, though, this approach is going to require a lifestyle change on your part. If you’re ready to commit to nurturing this turnaround and making CONNECTION the goal of your marriage, this is the perfect place to start.

18 thoughts on “10 Tell All Signs the Goal of Your Marriage is Distance”

  1. What a great reminder of how what we do today has power for the future, to build up or tear down. So important to be moving towards that goal of deeper connection instead of drifting apart.

    1. Thanks, Bella! You’re right, the decision to constantly move towards our spouse – even when we don’t feel like it in the moment – is one of the most important decisions that can be made in a marriage.

  2. Stopping by from the Peony Project. I think it is especially easy to let #3 occur once you have kids. It’s not like you mean to, but over time it just slips. Thanks for these reminders ❤ Will be sharing my heart with my husband today.

  3. Last semester in a bible study I read the Whole Hearted wife and the biggest take away I had from it was that It is my responsibility to serve my husband whether or not he is serving me!

  4. My in-laws say that marriage is a series of 2 degree shifts back to zero degrees, where your spouse is. If you invite distance, you may find yourself 180 degrees from your spouse and not sure how to get back in alignment. These signs are spot on.

  5. Yes! These are so important to remember. I love that you say “a low score is still an opportunity to nurture distance.” That is so impactful! Last night my husband said I had felt distance the last couple of days and I thought that he was just being grumpy the past couple of days, so I guess both of us were withdrawn from each other because we were tired and busy. Keeping open communication is so important to fight this! <3

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