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I had to keep my mouth shut. After all, I was the new mom on the block. I had never met these ladies before and even if I had, who am I to judge? I didn’t know the whole story and to be honest, I don’t think the other wives, the ones on the receiving end of this young wife’s bitter chatter; were going to get the whole story either.

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Why UNCHECKED Venting Is Dangerous For Your Marriage

I tried to be subtle about my discomfort. You know, drop a few hints here and there, bring the attention back to our kids because hey, we were at playgroup after all. But my voice was just static; a washed out noise left completely unheard as the other moms chatted and a young wife passed her cell phone back and forth between them, putting her and her husband’s intimate argument center stage for most everyone to see.

And I couldn’t help but wonder; if I were her if my husband could hear me at that very moment, would we still be having that conversion?

If My Husband Could Hear Me…

Would I still be so quick to flaunt his flaws; to paint him as the problem and bury any responsibility I had in the matter and place all the blame on Him?

If my husband could hear me would I still be so quick to poke at his character or laugh at his misunderstanding?

How would he feel knowing that our secrets are no longer safe with me? That our privacy holds no value to me? That our very intimate lives are no longer just ours because I’ve invited my girlfriends to be a part of it? My friends might say it sounds like something out of a porn video like what tubev provide, only best videos here.

How would he feel when he realized that I could no longer be trusted with the thoughts and beliefs you hold most close to your heart?

Printable Love Sticky Notes

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If Only I Knew

I’m not sure why we do it. Maybe it’s to fill in the silence, or maybe we just need to vent; maybe our feelings need validation. I don’t know.

What I do know is if my husband had heard me carry on about him in that manner, I would be so… embarrassed. So humiliated. And after the fact, maybe a little heartbroken, self-induced of course. But even worse than the fact that I was heartbroken is the undeniable fact that his heart would be broken too. Shattered probably. And rightfully so. The woman He had entrusted his heart to had so cruelly put it on display, with spotlights, commentary, and all.

Sinking Ships

I’ll be honest, I’ve been that wife before and thought nothing of it. I justified it by thinking I just needed to talk to people who would get it. A few months, a few books, and some wise counsel later and I realized why this behavior was so harmful to my marriage.

I had allowed people who weren’t really rooting for my marriage to succeed to speak into my marriage. And they didn’t have great things to say or great advice to give; (and here’s the kicker) nor were they in any place to be giving me marriage advice. Their marriages and relationships were falling apart. They were in sinking ships and had me navigating that same course.

10 behaviors that may be creating distance and disconnect in your marriage and what to do once the disconnect is found. @mrslotanner

There is a way to talk through and resolve conflicts in a marriage, but spewing your dirty laundry to every listening ear is NOT it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been there too. I’ve been both the sinking ship and the one flooding boat. I’m not about to try to hide that.

A Better Way

Being on the other side of this conversation put things in perspective for me. At the very least, it was a not so subtle reminder that the words we speak about our spouse matter. And more often than not they are a clearer reflection of our hearts that they are his actions. When your words start to get yucky, it might be worthwhile to stop yourself and ask where your heart is at that moment. And if it’s not evident that what you are thinking or feeling or about to say comes from a place of love – it might be worth it to have that conversation with your spouse first. After all, you and he are the only two who can bring resolve to whatever conflict has arisen.

What would you have done had you found yourself a part of this “playgroup” conversation?

8 thoughts on “If My Husband Could Hear Me…”

  1. I am right there with you! I believe we should talk about our husbands in a respectful way. Is there a time to disclose something to a good friend when needed. Absolutely, but even then we can discuss the matter with respect and in private. I am glad that you have learned about this important concept already in your marriage. The fact that you recognize it means you are aware of your behavior. Way to keep learning and growing in your marriage!

    1. Thanks Cassie! It can be easy dismiss disrespect as “just venting,” and to be honest I think that’s what a lot of women do. But we need to guard what comes out of our mouths even when we are venting. I’m glad God let me witness this conversation/interaction. I learned so much from it!

  2. This breaks my heart and yet I am sure it happens repeatedly. We need to be our husband’s best cheerleader. Of course he is not perfect – but then neither am I. It’s a cruel world out there – I want my husband to know he is loved and respected unconditionally by me.

    1. It’s incredible what being on the listening end of these types of conversations. It was so heartbreaking to listen to. And like I said, I’m know in the past I’ve been just as guilty. As wives we need to support and respect our husbands always. And we especially need to be careful who we invite to influence and speak into our marriages.

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