“So, you’re my girlfriend now. What am I allowed to touch?”
I could name about a billion things wrong with that question and the framework behind it. But what concerns me is that this question is actually being asked of teenage girls and young ladies of today. In the hallways at school, in the workplace, and on dates; sometimes even the first date.
Just goes to show how far out of place our hearts really are and how consumed we are with our own selfish satisfaction. It does pose an interesting question though.
When you’re in a dating relationship what kind of touch is too much?
Protecting Your Heart and Physical Being
Note: This post is 1 of a 4 part series.
Ladies, You Make The Call
This is one of those decisions needs (not just should, but needs) to be made BEFORE stepping into a dating/romantic relationship. This question isn’t about sex, but more so, focuses on other forms of physical affection.
It’s far too common today for men to assume that because they are dating a beautiful girl they have full access to her body. That is not the case at all. Ladies, your body is yours. No person has the right or authority to touch you in any way you don’t approve of. But for you to best protect yourself against an uncomfortable and even unsafe situation you’re going to have to sit down and honestly ask yourself, how much touch is too much?
Not knowing the answer to that question now increases your chances of having to make a split decision later; which means that instead of taking your time to think about what’s in your best interest you’re rushing to make decisions with the heat of the moment working against you. And chances are the decision you make will be influenced by all the wrong factors. You don’t want the pressure of passion making this choice for you. This decision needs to be made with a sound mind.
From One Extreme to the Other
I’ve known women who have stood on the extreme of either side of this question. A friend of mine growing up waited until she was 18 to “date.” And even then, she was very conservative. She was told me about the guy that had been showing interest in her for quite some time. They were “in discussion,” meaning they hadn’t committed to each other but were talking about what a commitment might look like. She made it very clear that the relationship they were about to enter was not going to be physical in any way. There was no touching, no hand holding, no kissing; period. Honestly, I applaud her decision and her boldness to stick to it.
I have had other friends who have said anything goes and I’ve friends who stood somewhere in the middle. And although I am a huge advocate for no physical touch until marriage, I know not everybody shares that stance. Which is exactly why you need to know what kind of touch is too much for you and boldly share those boundaries.
You might also like: 4 Truths to Know About You Before Getting Into A Relationship
Why It Matters
Most people will tell you it’s about saving yourself for marriage and that physical touch is the gateway to sex. And while that is true and holds it’s weight I can think of a few other reasons why setting this boundary matters. Like soul ties. The risk of creating a “soul tie” is huge. In marriage, this connection is great and even healthy. Outside of marriage, this connection can be dangerous. Kris Vallotton does and excellent job of explaining this in his article 7 Signs of An Unhealthy Soul Tie. If you’re unfamiliar with the dangers of a soul tie or don’t know how to identify a soul tie, this article will give you that understanding.
If you already have that understanding then it should be clear to you how important it is to set boundaries that protect your physical and emotional being.
And If you haven’t had this conversation with yourself or with a close friend or mentor, I encourage you to do so now. Protect your body, heart, and soul setting a standard and sticking to it. As always, my hope is that you draw your answers from the Word of God. Dive into your Bible, pray about it, and hear what God speaks to you on the topic. Then, follow where he leads.
Today I’d love to hear from the women who have “been there.” If you could give younger you any piece of advice when it comes to dating and physical touch/affection what would it be?