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This is where it gets touchy for most people. Sex. Most of us just don’t even know what to do with that word.

We don’t talk about it at home because let’s be honest; it’s awkward. Parents don’t want to talk about it to children because the details are just too “inappropriate.” To kids, sex is a dirty word. People are hardly inclined to discuss their latest finds on sites like at their next friend get-together. We don’t want to talk about it at church because we don’t like the church’s standards and as I hear so many people say, “the church is full of hypocrites anyway,” right? Personally, I disagree, but you are free to have your own opinion on that matter.

Today though, we aren’t going to talk about opinions. Today we are going to talk about the facts; about what is. And we are going to answer this question:


Who sets the standard for sex in a relationship?

Note: This post is 1 of a 4 part series. Follow along on Facebook to read posts as they become available.

If you asked me the answer to this question 4 years ago, I would I have given you an answer I didn’t agree with. I knew it was truth and I wouldn’t deny that, but I didn’t care. Unfortunately, that state of mind is pretty popular and well occupied among the youth and young adults (let’s just say all adults – just to cover the bases) of today. The standard for sexual encounters are being made by the viewing of adult films on sites like and others and not creating a personal standard between partners.

You know, I was listening to some gospel mixes on TV this morning when, wouldn’t you know, my auto record feature (how fancy does that sound) switched to Steven Furtick from Elevation Experience on TBN. And wouldn’t you know, he was speaking about sex.

He said it like this as if he were having a dialogue with another person.

He said, ” ‘..each man should have sex with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband (referring to 1 Corinthians 7:1-7).’ ”

“Well I don’t have a husband..”

“Well then you don’t get to have sex yet.”

And that’s just it. Point blank. This is God’s standard.

You May Also Like Part 1 of the Series: Spiritual Boundaries

Love, Marriage, and Then…

Listen, ladies, God created sex to be a blessing WITHIN marriage. There’s an intimacy that comes with sex that was intended to be shared exclusively between husband and wife. It is one of the many blessings that follows the commitment to one another.

I could list a ton reasons to save sex for marriage that have nothing to do with God. But because this is God’s stance, we shouldn’t need any other reason. We should recognize that His love is meant to bless us, and His standards are meant to protect us; we should trust His design.

Before you enter into a dating or romantic relationship, ask yourself this:

Will you choose to honor God’s design for sex within a committed marriage? Is that a boundary you are willing to set?

You May Also Like Part 2 of this Series: Physical Touch. How Much Is Too Much.


I can’t tell you how much your children need to hear this truth from you. I know so many who have compromised in this area just because it’s what the men of this world expected of them. It’s what they thought they were supposed to do. Moms, your sons, and daughters need your guidance. Don’t be afraid to talk with them about sex and God’s intent for it within marriage.

And more importantly, if you are the mother of a son or daughter who has stepped outside of this standard; LOVE THEM ANYWAY.


I can’t make this decision for you. You have to make it on your own, just like I had to make my decision on my own. My advice to you is simply to trust God’s design. He truly does want the greatest for you! And when you’re “looking” for that special someone to spend forever with, make sure it’s someone who will respect you enough to respect your relationship with God. That man, He’ll be a keeper. You will have hit the jackpot.

What kind of qualities are you hoping to find in the man you marry? Do you believe he’s worth the wait?

Mrs. Lo Tanner Newsletter Sign-Up @mrslotanner

11 thoughts on “Sex. Should There Really Be A Standard?”

    1. Yes, that is goal of mine as well. I want to raise a generation of men who honor God in everything they do INCLUDING what goes on behind closed doors of a relationship.

  1. Good post! We need to be comfortable with talking about this topic. God never intended for it to be such a shameful thing. The main quality I’m concerned with in my future husband is a love for God and His Gospel!

    1. I’m sure God’s preparing you for a wonderful man, and visa versa! You’re right, this topic really should seem taboo to talk about. We need to get more comfortable with talking about it. For our kids if no one else (or for no other reason).

  2. Sex is a beautiful gift from God and if we don’t talk about it with our children, trust me somebody else will and they need to have a godly perspective versus the world!

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