Ya know, deal breaker.. as in,”the end of the line,” “The last straw,” “bye, Felicia (whoever that is).” Whatever the reason and whatever the cause, the “deal” you’ve put such great effort into honoring is off. It’s done and it has reached a point where compromise is not even an option.
Well, when it comes to a dating relationship what is that point?
To be honest, many women today have stretched that point to unbelievable lengths. And I can understand why. Sometimes we just “need” to get the guy. That’s the heart talking. And the heart wants what it wants (as the famous Selena Gomez song says). And the world says “follow your heart.” But there are some things we absolutely should not compromise on when it comes to getting romantically involved.
There are some occasions where no matter what your heart says, YOU say, “no!”
So let’s talk about some of those occasions.
DISCLAIMER: This advice is for the single/dating ladies of the community. Marriage by God’s design is a covenant meant to last forever. Understanding that, it makes sense that simply walking away from your covenant isn’t the solution for a married couple. But we’ll talk more about that later.
4 Relationship Deal Breakers You May Have Overlooked
If your man can’t find it in himself to do these 4 things, it may just be a relationship deal breaker.
1. Understand whose you are. I’m just going to say it. If your (potential) man can’t wrap his head around the fact that you are indeed royalty, a daughter of the King (Galatians 4:7-9), created in His likeness (Genesis 1:26), and heir to God’s throne.. you need to kindly move on. Keep walking and don’t look back. Let me just tell you, too much hinges on this understanding.
When a man recognizes and acknowledges who you are in Christ it shapes the standards of your relationship from that moment forward. It will set the stage for how he conducts himself, how he treats you, how well he honors the relationship you share. You are precious cargo, my friend. And no one will understand how precious until they take the time to know the God who calls you His.
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2. Recognize your inner “beauty.” Ok, bear with me. I don’t mean this in a vain way at all. I know we all have our “flaws” and physical beauty is of course only skin deep. What I’m talking about is your character. Is he the kind of guy would describe you as cute, hot, or sexy? Or does he see MORE than that when he looks at you? Does he care to know your character?
So many women get so caught up in the spark of being noticed that we take compliments on our bodies and wear them like gold. The fact of the matter is men are visual creatures. They were created to be drawn to our physical appearance. So giving a women attention based on her physical appearance is easy for them. But the man who “falls” for your character, chances are he’s going to be a keeper. If he doesn’t value your integrity, faith, heart, kindness, faithfulness, initiative, and the kazillion other wonderful traits that make you, you. If he doesn’t admire your character – that’s a deal breaker.
3. (If he doesn’t) Find value in the words you speak.
She opens her mouth in [skillful and godly] wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue [giving counsel and instruction].
Proverbs 31:26 (AMP)
How many Proverbs 31 women do we have in the house? The Bible tells us that she (the Proverbs 30 woman) opens her mouth with wisdom and kindness is on her tongue. This, of course, is not by any doing of her own. It is because of relationship and union with God. She seeks His counsel and trusts His leadership. He (God) blesses her with wisdom and its fruits. Does the man you are with (or considering being with) find value in your words? Does he treasure your input? Is he willing to seek counsel from you? Will he look to you for support, encouragement, and inspiration?
I’m not saying that yours will always be the final word. And I’m definitely not saying you should be his ONLY source of support. He needs a support circle as much as you do. But if your man can’t set down his pride long enough to seek the counsel of the women he so admires, if he can’t find value or encouragement in the words that you speak; my friends – that’s a deal breaker.
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4. Find you worthy of protecting.
I’ll just be blunt about this one. If Jesus finds you worth dying for, whoever you end up spending forever with should have no problem believing that you are worth protecting. Your character is worth protecting, your heart is worth protecting, your relationship is worth protecting, and your values are worth honoring. Together, the two of you will do what you need to do to keep close what matters most to you; firstly, your relationship with God. And secondly, your relationship with each other. If at any point before, “I do” these become unprotected, blatantly dishonored, or attacked… DEAL BREAKER.
DISCLAIMER: Before I close out this post I just want to clarify real quick. Friends, I’m all about grace and forgiveness, but I’ll tell you what. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Grace doesn’t mean we let dishonor slide. If there is a behavior that has been identified as wrong and dishonoring, you are doing yourself and your partner a disservice by letting it go. Address it. And if you’ve been there, done that, and change is still as distant or absent as ever, do yourself a favor and gracefully walk away. You are too precious to waste time on a man who doesn’t honor you.