Have you ever heard of the 5 Love Languages? Don’t feel bad if you haven’t. I didn’t know anything about them until about three years into my marriage. Had I known about them sooner, I could have saved my marriage from a lot of heartaches. But hey, better late than never, right? When I did actually learn what the 5 Love Languages were (I learned what mine is through this online quiz) it made a huge difference in the way I viewed and communicated with people. Not just my husband, but my friends, co-workers, family (my children especially); everyone.
The Thing About Love Languages
See the thing that’s so great about the 5 Love Languages is that once you understand what they are you’ve found the secret to being able to communicate your love for people effectively. I always thought love was a one-dimensional sort of thing. I figured it had one definition and it was the same for everyone. And if we all just did “these things” whatever those things were, we’d feel loved. But love isn’t like that. We all interpret love differently. What screams “I love you,” to you, might not scream the same thing to me. I’ll give you an example.
The Valentines Day That Brought It All Together
Before I became a stay at home mama I worked in humans services alongside four awesome team members. It was Valentine’s Day and we were all discussing our Valentines Day plans. When it came around to being my turn to share, I told them I didn’t have plans. I’m not really into gifts (although the flowers my husband surprised me with were beautiful) so I was hoping to just stay home and relax with my family. That seemed to shock the office. But I wasn’t the only one who had plans of staying in. There was another couple who had agreed not to do anything fancy but instead planned to simply enjoy a quiet night at home.
That decision was very short lived. Apparently, this team member didn’t realize how important a Valentine’s Day surprise was to his wife, and when the team and I walked back into the office we found our co-worker frantically searching through the online phone book trying to find a restaurant that would take a last minute reservation on Valentine’s Day.In my head, I kept wondering, “why is this such a big deal to her?” It wasn’t a big deal to me at all. But the answer was simple. It all came down to the wife’s love language.
The 5 Languages of Love
There are 5 actual Love Language: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, and Gifts.
I couldn’t understand why a surprise dinner and gifts meant so much to this wife on Valentine’s Day. I couldn’t understand it because gifts aren’t my Love Language. But to the wife who feels loved, appreciated, and honored by gifts; I could see how it might hurt her feelings to go without them on a day most people deem so special.
Do you see how understanding and acting on the love language of the people around you makes such a difference? Especially in a marriage. Speaking your spouse’s love language is another way to say, “I notice you, I honor you, and want you to know it.”
Do you know your spouse’s language? Or the love language of the people closest to you? How about the people you don’t get along with so well? Maybe a sour co-worker or a child you seem to always clash with. What about that on again off again best friend relationship? Have you thought about the different action steps you could take to show the people around you that you love them? That’s my challenge for you this week. Well, that’s part of it.
First, I want you to take a minute and figure out your own love language. You can do that by taking the official Love Languages Assessment (this is the tool I was talking about earlier). This tool works for both married couples and single people. In fact, you don’t even have to be in a romantic relationship to have a love language. We all have them and have since birth. If you don’t know what yours is, there’s no time like the present to find out.
I’d love to hear what you think about the quiz! Did you know your love language before taking this quiz? Were you shocked by your results? Do you think this information will make a difference in your relationships? Share your experience in the comments below!
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