Prepping For Valentines Day With the 5 Love Languages
Ready to craft the PERFECT Valentines day for your honey? Dreading the hours of walking through department stores searching for the perfect gift? We’ve got a solution that will knock your sweetheart right off his feet! And equally as exciting, it won’t cost you an arm and a leg! I won’t bore you with a bunch of fluff. Let’s get right to it!
5 Categories of “I Love You”.
According to Gary Chapman’s book, “the Five Love Languages,” there are hundreds of watys to say “I love you,” but most of them will fit within 5 categories:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Though it’s good to be familiar with all of the love languages and how to speak them, it especially important to be aware of your partner’s love language(s). I will never forget the day I realized this. It’s a whole separate blog post (you can read about it here), but for now I just want you to trust me. Your husband’s love language; it matters. If you really want to be intentionally about demonstrating your love for this man that you married, it would be wise to know his love language. Once you have that bit of information you can all kinds of creative with how you carry it out. Which comes in handy when days like Valentines Day come around.
Crafting Your PERFECT Valentines Day
Ok, so let’s get to the planning piece. First things first, before you can do anything else, you need to figure out your honey’s love language.
Hone In On His Love Language
There’s a couple different ways you can do this:
If you want to fly under the radar you could start by simply observing his behaviors. What excites him? What makes him feel appreciated? How does he respond when you compliment him? The answers to each of these question will likely give you a good idea of what his Love Language is.
If you aren’t concerned about being inconspicuous you may decide to just straight up ask him about it. “Honey, what sorts of things make you feel most loved and appreciated?” It could lead to a great conversation. You may be surprised what you learn about him.
If neither of those is your cup of tea my next suggestion would be to take the official Love Languages Assessment. What?! There’s an official assessment? Yup! And don’t get me wrong, it’s certainly helpful; but in my opinion, not nearly as fun as the first two options.
Find Practical Ways to Speak His Language
Once you know what his PRIMARY Love Language is (I say primary because it’s likely that he may have more than one) start thinking about how you can incorporate that into your Valentines Day. If your man has more than one love language that really ignites those feelings of being loved, you may want to consider finding ways to use both those Love Languages in your celebration.
Not sure where to start? I got you covered! I’m about to lead you to a directory of nearly 200 ways to speak your hubby’s love language (and you don’t even have to sign up to view them – just keep reading). If you’re having trouble getting creative, this is for you!
200 Ways to Add Love Languages Into Your Daily Life
Your spouses love language is one you should become fluent in (even outside of Valentines Day). Identifying it and learning to be intentional with it this is a skill I want to help you master. So let’s talk about these Love Languages.
Some also refer to this love language as quality conversation. Because its not so much about spending long stretches of time together as it is about what you do with the time that you DO have together.
Is it intention?
Is it engaging?
Is it meaningful \ high quality?
One of the biggest complaints for people who value quality time is lack of meaningful engagement with their partner. You can help them feel loved and appreciated by making sure that when you are with them, you are present, participating (in conversation or activity),and enjoying every second of it.Take pleasure in their company.
Words of Affirmation
They say actions speak louder than words, but I find that’s only true when your actions and words are sending opposing messages. When the two align your words are equally as important, so it’s important to know how to use them. ESPECIALLY if that’s the way you husband feels most loved.
This can be especially hard at times because using this love language correctly it requires you to use incredible self control in heated moments. You can tear someone down with words just as easily as you can build them up. So be careful with your words!
Words of Affirmation are awesome gifts to give and so fun to get creative with.
A lot of women are really hesitant to embrace this love language because they feel like it means all sex all the time. Let me reassure you by saying it’s not about sex. At all. It’s about building physical intimacy outside of sex. It’s those little touches; the kiss on the forehead, subtle touch on the arm, “footsie” at the dinner table, or a foot rub at dinner time; that cement your love for him in his mind.
Even outside of sex I know physical touch can be uncomfortable for some women. For some its a trigger related to trauma they’ve experienced. For others it’s just taboo. Women aren’t typically taught how to use physical touch outside of sex as a tool to build your marriage. It’s a conversation that needs to be had, so we’re going to start talking about it.
This is probably the most misused of the 5 love languages. Most people use this gift with good intentions not understanding that an appreciation for material gifts is not universal and shouldn’t be used as the easy way out.
HOWEVER if your honey’s love language is gifts then it’s a whole different story! I’ll start by saying a meaningful gift isn’t always a pricey one. Often times its the thought put into the gift that makes the gift incredible. So don’t think you have to be making bank and buying all the fancy things. In fact, there are plenty of inexpensive ways you can use this love language. And they’ll probably mean more to your spouse than anything you could buy.
Acts of Service
This Love Language may not seem like the most romantic or festive of the bunch, but don’t write it off just yet. If your spouses Love Language truly is Acts of Service, you’d be doing your marriage a disservice by dismissing this type of interaction.
Why is this love language so special? Because it shows your desire and commitment to being your spouses help meet. It’s not just serving for the sake of serving, it’s serving to lift the weight of a burden, serving because you know its helpful, serving to show that you value you things that are important to your spouse. It looks like this:
“I know you need help in this area. Let me help.”
” I know this is important to you. How can I make this happen?”
“I can see you need a moment to rest and reset, let me take care of this task for you.”
It’s serving because you LOVE. And that’s reason enough.
Putting His Love Language to Work
Now that you know your spouses love language and you’ve been given some examples of how to use them, the only thing left to do is put what you’ve learned to work!
Start small. Be intentional. Practice your delivery. The delivery of a message can be just as important if not more than the message itself so really put some thought into how you are going to carry these acts out.
Are you excited for Valentines Day yet? Are you excited to be the “giver”? That’s how you’ll know you’ve crafted the perfect Valentines Day. When your excited to be the giver and not instead of being consumed by the excitement of getting a gift.
Wishing you the best this Valentines Day! Here’s to hoping your spouse is truly blessed by your gift! And to you being truly ecstatic about being the giver.