Marriage Bible Study: What Does the Bible Teach About Submission

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Are Christian Wives Expected to Submit To Their Husbands?

Are we taking the Bible verses about submission out of context?

Let me start by saying, I wholeheartedly believe in honoring my husband. I believe that’s a biblical mandate and it’s one I’m committed to following. What I will not commit to is the blind obedience aspect of honor that we seem to view as a parallel to biblical submission. You know, the husband says and the wife follows without even contemplating what God has to say about the matter. Would you believe me if I said that idea of submission is NOT biblically sound? Not in the slightest.

Are We Taking Submission Out of Context?

There is nothing more frustrating than hearing the verse “wives submit to your husbands..” used so heavily out of context. Submission isn’t a wife thing.

CORRECTION: Submissions isn’t ONLY a wife thing, and it’s time to talk about it through the same light and lens as the one who designed it; Abba God, Himself.

Would it surprise you to know that the act of submitting isn’t as demeaning and obnoxious as society makes it seem? And it’s not as exclusive to wifehood as the church makes it seem. Or even to humanity. There isn’t one element of creation that doesn’t submit to the design and direction of the Creator.

The waves and the sea (Genesis 1:9-10, Exodus 4:21-22, and  Mark 4:35-41)
The ground we walk on.
Even the heavens are on assignment for God (Genesis 1:14-19 and Psalm 19:1-6)
The rocks ( Exodus 17:6, Psalm 78:15, 1 Kings 13:3-5, and Isaiah 48:21)

And although mankind has been given the free will choice to decide whose will we submit ourselves to, we; being made in the very image of God were still intended to submit to our Creator.

God’s Design, Goal, and Purpose for Submission

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Genesis 1:26-27

Have you ever thought about what this verse actually means? I’ve always known that God looked at mankind as special. After all, He crafted us with His own hands (Genesis 2:7). I always thought that’s what the words “made in His image,” were referring to.  It’s actually so much deeper than that.

The Hebrew translation of the phrase In His Own Image is tselem, which means,

“a shadow of, likeness (called from the shadow forth), a representative figure, resemblance.”

**Note: You can find this information in the  Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance.

From the very beginning, God chose you and me to be a reflection of Him and more to the point a representative of Him. This is the commitment that we made to Him when we accepted His gift of salvation and were adopted into His family. He became the one we committed to honoring. He became the one we vowed to live for. And that my friends, is the heart of submission. It is engraved in our very being from the beginning of our existence. But even God has given us the free-will to determine who we are going to submit our lives to. As children of God, we’ve chosen to submit to our Heavenly Father. Submission isn’t a wife thing, it’s a “Child of God” thing.

I could name so many Old Testament stories where this concept proves itself.

• Noah submitted himself to God and a result His entire family was kept safe during the flood.
• Abraham submitted to God’s instruction and God established the Hebrew nation through Him.
• Moses (although hesitant at first) submitted himself to the instruction of God and lead the Hebrews out of Egyptian slavery.
• Joshua submitted to God’s instructions when attempting to take the land of Jericho and as a result, he and his armies won the battle before ever lifting a finger.
• Paul submitted himself and his entire ministry to the Lord.
• Barak submitting himself and his army to Debra’s leadership and she brought the Israelite army through the battle to victory.
• Jesus spent His ENTIRE life submitting himself to the will of His father. When His time to die on the cross came, even then His prayer was, “Your will be done.”

Over and over again in the New Testament Jesus talks about how His only mission is to accomplish the will of the Father and that He is determined to do only as His Father would have Him do. He gives this same instruction to the church (the body of Christ) whom He also refers to as the Bride of Christ. From this, we can determine that submission isn’t about domination but about honor.

God sent us His son to redeem our sinful lives and lead us into sanctified lives; lives set apart from the rest of the world for His glory. We accomplish this by submitting our heart, soul, and bodies to Christ (our Bride Groom) and honoring Him through obedience. When we are obedient to Christ we bring glory to our Father.

Submission In Marriage. Should You Submit to Your Husband?

“Wives submit to your husbands…” the verse that has Christian women up in arms.

This is often the phrase wives are directed to when they’re taught the biblical views of how marriage works. What seems to go unmentioned is that “wives submit to your husband,” is not the entirety of the verse or instruction given to us in the Bible. In fact, when you paraphrase that portion of scripture and dilute it down to those five words you distort everything about how God intended marriage between His followers to work.

• It elevates men to the position of “God.”
• It offers zero accountability to the husband as the leader of the marriage or household.
• It suppresses wives, instead of allowing them to be a source of wisdom.
• It distorts God’s character as our Bridegroom.
• It distorts the calling of the church (since marriage is supposed to be a reflection of the relationship between God and the church).

Now, there is such a thing as biblical submission, but this is not it.

The Difference Between Biblical Submission and Dominance

Biblical submission in marriage focuses on 4 things:

1. How can we serve Christ together?
2. How can we serve each other?
3. How can we serve our family together?
4. How can we love people together?

When we remove these filters we start living to appease ourselves instead of Lord, which invites selfish ambition to take root; pushing us to dominate and rule others instead of love and serve.

Submission is Christ-inspired. Dominance is man-inspired
Submission is about yielding to Christ. Dominance is about control others.
Submission glorifies God. Dominance glorifies man.
Submission builds a Kingdom and ushers down to earth. Dominance builds only pride.

Do you see the difference? Do you understand why this is worth addressing? Biblical submission is not the same as blind submission. We don’t leap when our husband says jump UNLESS what he is calling us to is honoring to God.

This brings us back to Ephesian 5:22 read in entirety,

Wives, submit to your husband as unto the Lord.

Notice anything different? In just this one verse God makes it clear that there are boundaries on the husband’s authority. Man’s agenda and authority are never to supersede His. God sets this boundary as protection for BOTH marriage partners. It opens the door to accountability for husbands. It keeps husbands and wives working in partnership with each other and dependent on one another. It encourages husbands to seek counsel from their wives and encourages wives to speak up when they feel that something is moving in opposition to God.

We pray “in Jesus’ name” because we’re confident what we are praying for aligns with the righteousness of God. We should approach submission in that same manner, submitting only to leadership and requests that allow us to love like Jesus and continue in righteous living. God designed submission to come from a place of reverence and love. Our culture has taken it from an act of voluntary honor (something that is given) and allowed it to become something demeaning and dominating.

God never intended for wives to be silent partners. We were created with the ability to bring value and insight to the table (our home) and the community. A wife after God will use her influence to do just that. And a husband after God will recognize and honor this calling.

Where do we see this honor towards wives in the Bible?

King Solomon outlines these truths in Proverbs 31 when he writes:

• “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.” (verse 10)
• And “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.” (verse 26)
• This one is a favorite of mine! “Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband does also, and he praises her.” (verse 28)

When a husband and wife are united in their commitment to honor God, submission is less likely to be a problem. You’ve got two people with a heart for God, seeking God, yielding to His spirit, and letting Him lead. They work together to bring God’s will into their lives and home. The trouble arises when a husband, who is called to be a spiritual leader in the home, starts chasing a vision outside of Christ.

When we take this into consideration we realize, it isn’t about your husband or even about men. We aren’t told to submit because we are inferior, misguided, or have nothing better to bring to the table as women. When you choose to submit to your husband it creates within your marriage and within the body of Christ. That unity is such a beautiful sight to God, and it allows Him to perfect His work in us individually and as a whole. No one explains this better than Gary Thomas in his book Sacred Marriage.

It’s not just a wife thing or a marriage thing; submission is a “Lead by the Spirit of God” “on Earth as it is in Heaven” sort of thing. The kind of thing so powerful the enemy could only hope to find a way to distort its truth. And unfortunately, he’s been far too successful. He’s associated it with weakness on the part of those yielding and power on the part of those demanding. In reality, our ability to yield to the Holy Spirit is the very thing that gives us strength.

What If My Husband Won’t Submit to the Lord?

It seriously breaks my heart how many women are turned off by God’s design for marriage because this one scripture, “Wives submit to your husbands, as unto the Lord” is so greatly misused.

I’ve heard it used in support of abusive husbands.
I’ve heard it used to condone men in their selfish ambitions.
I’ve seen it used to dominate households, churches, and communities. That is so not God’s heart.

Unfortunately, as long as there is sin in the world we’re going to have to deal with people who use the Bible to create their own gospel. So what do you do when your husband is leading your family down a road that you know God is saying no to? There are so many situations that come to mind, many of them that don’t have a textbook answer.

Ultimately, when you know your husband is choosing sin over God  – you are by no means obligated to support his behavior. Your ultimate allegiance is to Christ first. I love what Sheila Gregoire had to say about this.

“The Bible is clear that we should confront when someone is in sin, and we should deal with that. Loyalty is not actually a Christian virtue; the truth is.”

God doesn’t expect you to go along with sin but He does expect you to call it out. He expects you to stand for the truth even when it’s uncomfortable. This means when you KNOW your husband is walking outside of what God approves and calls good and just and tries to subject you or your family to the same; in this case, no you don’t submit to your husband’s will (on THAT matter).

• You still treat him with respect even if you can’t respect what He is doing.
• You honor him by being honest with him.
• Speak kindly.
• Serve willingly.
• Love him unconditionally because that’s how we are instructed to love.
• Keep praying for him. Never stop praying. You’re still called to be the light that lights up the darkness surrounding him. Just as your husband will have to one day give an account for how he leads, it’s important that you remember you will also be held accountable for who you decided to follow. 

So before anyone else,  you submit yourself to God.

DISCLAIMER **If you’re in an abusive marriage or relationship this please seek help. Though helpful, the information in this blog post may not provide the full counsel needed for your safety and healing. Reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, pastor, or community center to find the help you need. Prioritize your safety!