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Self Love & Christianity: 10 Ways to Love Yourself

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a brown skinned hand holding pink flowers and picking through the pedals. TEXT: How to Love Yourself Biblically

What does the Bible say about loving yourself? 

I tend to judge myself more than I love myself. It’s easy for me to see and fixate on the things I don’t like about myself; like the fact that I’m only 5’3″, I’m heavier than I would like to be, my hair is too frizzy to manage, I’m a really impatient person, and I struggle with letting things go. How easy was that? It took all of 10 seconds.

But if you ask me what I love about myself my ability to answer that question would immediately be shattered and my thoughts redirected to another realm of thinking. If my brain were a computer screen you might see some of these words battling for space:

Selfish. Conceited. Self-centered.

Stuck-up. Arrogant.

There’s a conflict that arises when you ask me to see the good in myself. Can you relate? Have you ever wondered why that is? 

I can tell you this much, it is not a coincidence that we think the way we do when it comes to self-love. The devil knows that people who believe the lie that they aren’t worth loving are people who will believe that they aren’t worth saving. Those become people who don’t know how to give or receive the love God has for them. 

In this article, we’re going to work through common misconceptions about self love and Christianity.

Is loving yourself biblical? What does the Bible say about the love of self? 
How does God want us to love ourselves?
What is the importance of loving yourself?
What does God say about taking care of yourself?

Ready to learn what the Bible says about self-love?

Want to study this lesson on your own? Print it free here! 

What Does the Bible Say About Loving Yourself?

Learning to love yourself starts with unraveling this conflict about our worth and identity in Christ – Not with the mantra’s of the world, but with the truth of God’s Word.

When you know who you are in Christ, and you’re content or even honored or confident in that – that is not conceit. That is recognizing the wonder of the God who made you. It is not selfish, self-centered, or arrogant to acknowledge that.

Is loving yourself biblical? Let’s look at the Bible passages below and find out.

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

A lot of people confine this scripture to speak solely of the love that we give others.  What I find interesting about that is that God instructs us to love others in the same manner that we love ourselves.

Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:36-40

God has done two things with these verses:

  1. He has given us permission to love ourselves.
  2. He has set a boundary on the extent of that love.

What does the Bible say about loving others more than yourself?

Matthew 22:38-40 answers this question. We are not to elevate ourselves above others but instead are to consider ourselves equal to others and love in a manner that demonstrates that.

A lot of us look at ourselves and wonder what is there to love?

God answers that question through the Psalmist in Psalm 139:17-18:

“How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand when I awake, I am still with you.” Psalm 139:17-18

So if God speaks so many precious thoughts about us that they would outnumber the grains of sand (like we have the ability to count every grain of sand anyway) surely it is okay for you to love yourself! Surely it’s ok for you to wear the crown He’s given you.

How Does God Want Us to Love Ourselves?

One of the reasons it’s so important to understand the reality of God’s love for us is because we can’t give a love we don’t know. We try, but without understanding how grace, truth, and responsibility come into play in our relationship with God – we don’t see how necessary they are in our relationships with others.

I am so deeply aware of my own flaws. That knowledge is what amazes me about God’s love. As flawed as I am, He loves me. And not just a little bit. He doesn’t just tolerate my existence. He LOVES me, in my sin, in my brokenness, in my selfishness.

Romans 5:8 reads,

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

When that truly clicks our priority for extending love changes. God becomes our greatest love. We begin loving ourselves correctly; walking in our new identity; not clinging to the sin within us, but loving what He is producing in us. And we realize this is a love we don’t want to keep to ourselves.

Sally Clarkson wrote an amazing loving yourself Bible study called, You Are Loved: Embracing God’s Love for You.  Through it, you’ll grasp a biblical view of how to rest in God’s love for you. While you’re waiting for your book to arrive, take the first steps in developing a healthy love for yourself with the 10 steps below.


How Do You Learn How to Love Yourself

We’ve talked about why its important to love yourself and what the Bible says about loving yourself. Let’s move on to the next step; application. What are some practical ways we can go about loving ourselves in a biblical and God-honoring manner? This list isn’t exhaustive by any means but it is a good solid start to biblical self love. I’ll list each principle first and you can join me in the next section for a walk-through of the application.

10 ways to love yourself fiercely? 

  1. Learn to value your identity in Christ.
  2. Stop comparing.
  3. Nurture your relationship with God.
  4. Steward your strengths.
  5. Take care of your body.
  6. Be gracious to your downfalls.
  7. Live with intention.
  8. Speak life.
  9. Pursue joy.
  10. Love yourself where you’re at.

Value your identity in Christ.

God has a lot of inspiring things to say about you! Recognizing the truth about your identity in Christ is essential, but remember, who we are is all about Him! We are who we are because He is good. The identity he has given us is for His purpose and His glory – not solely ours. That, my friend, is when self-love becomes sinful – when we elevate ourselves above God. 

Need a fun reminder of who you are in Christ? Print out this Identity in Christ coloring book! 

black and white coloring pages of cartoon women.

You may also appreciate: Mapping Out Your Identity In Christ

2. Stop Comparing.

Seriously, you were made to stand out! You were made to be different! This is so important to understand not just for your contentment, but for understanding how God intended the body of Christ to function. In 1 Corinthians 12:14-20 Pauls says,

For in fact the body is not one member but many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I am not of the body,” is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I am not of the body,” is it therefore not of the body? If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where would be the smelling? But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased. And if they were all one member, where would the body be? But now indeed there are many members, yet one body.

1 Corinthians 12:14-20

Your make-up, your skills, talents, strengths, weaknesses; they all belong. There is a specific need for YOU in the body of Christ. Don’t abandon your peace by comparing yourself to others. If you struggle with falling into comparison, along with studying the Bible I highly suggest reading the book Compared to Who? by Heather Creekmore. 

3. Nurture Your Relationship With God.

Growing up my mom would always remind us, “the most important thing in the world is a relationship with God through His son Jesus Christ.”

She wasn’t lying. One of the best acts of love towards yourself is to spend time building your relationship with the Lord. 

Start talking to Him. In Christian circles, this is called prayer and it’s as simple to begin as talking to a friend is. What’s amazing is that God hears our prayers and because He loves us and wants a relationship with us, He responds to our prayers too. If the concept of prayers seems intimidating to you, my book A Woman’s Guide to Steadfast Prayer keeps it simple.

Read Your Bible. The best way to get to know God is through the pages of the Bible. The Bible helps us recognize the character of God, the things He loves, His priorities, and His hope for us. It trains us to recognize His voice so when He does respond to our prayers or when He reaches out to us (He does that!) we can recognize His voice. The more we study the Bible and the more we talk with and listen to the Lord the closer we get to Him. An on-fire relationship with God WILL change your life. You can find TONS of free Bible Study tips and resources here. 

You may also appreciate this article: 7 Ways to Develop A Relationship With God

4. Steward Your Strengths.

Every gift and talent that God has given you, He has given you for a purpose. That purpose extends far beyond our own ambitions and earthly gains. Do God things with the things God has given you. 

When are able to recognize these things in yourself and grow in them, you typically become able to do the same for others; call out the good in them. Speak into their strengths.

5. Take Care of Your Body.

We take care of the things we love, right? So take care of yourself. Eat like you love your body, move like you love your body, and rest like you love your body. Be a good steward of yourself. In doing so we model healthy self-care for others. 

Do you struggle with seeing your body the way God describes it? 

Use these Bible Verses about caring for yourself to help you adopt God’s perspective of your body and its purpose. 

Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.
Ephesians 5:29

Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?
1 Corinthians 3:16

6. Be Gracious to your “downfalls.”

Realistically, we can’t all be good at everything. There’s no need to feel down about that. In fact, there are some amazing opportunities to be had in recognizing what our weaknesses are. Our weaknesses will always complement the strength of others. It goes back to the church functioning as one body.

And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” No, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary. 1 Corinthians 12:21-22

The fact that we all have strengths and weaknesses should drive to community, not competition. It’s that humility that paves the way for God to do mighty things in the body despite our shortcomings.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9


7. Live With Intention.

The kind of intention that puts Jesus in the spotlight. Take those dreams, goals, and ambitions He’s given you and go at them, wholeheartedly, with the understanding that you are doing it for His purpose and glory; not your own.

Live life like it matters because it does. The choices that you make, the things that you say, your day-to-day actions; matter. You matter. Your opinion and your voice make a difference when you walk the talk. So live life as it matters. Live on purpose.

8. Speak Life.

Luke 6:45 tells us,

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
Luke 6:45

That’s a fancy way of saying how we speak matters. This principle rings true whether we are speaking to others or speaking to ourselves. One sure-fire way to love yourself in a godly manner is to speak life-giving words over yourself. When I say life-giving words I don’t mean flattering affirmations (another deception of the modern self-care movement). This article explains why self-affirmations aren’t the way to go. The only effective way to speak life-giving words is to speak in agreement with the truth of the Bible. Anything less will lead you astray.

When we model speaking biblical truth and life over ourselves we teach others how to claim and believe the same biblical truth for themselves.

You may also appreciate:7 Prayers to Guard Your Mouth.

9. Pursue Joy.

The Bible tells us that the joy of the Lord is our strength (see Nehemiah 8:10 and Psalm 27). More often than not, when we feel exhausted and overwhelmed it’s because we’ve been leaning on our own strength instead of leaning into God’s. Instead of giving in to temptation and following the world’s principles of self-care, what we really need is to press into God and let His joy restore and strengthen us. When you give God permission to fill you up what you’ll likely discover is that what you thought was discontentment with your life or circumstances was really a hunger thirst that can not be quenched by anything but the joy of the Lord. 

Hobbies won’t fill it.

Recognition won’t fill it.

Wealth won’t fill it.

Only Jesus.

So instead of going through the motions, aim to abide in Christ and to allow His joy to fill you daily. When you do feel yourself slipping into exhaustion or discontentment ask yourself (in the words of my friend and mentor Michelle Meyers of She Works His Way), “Are you tired or are you thirsty?” 

If the answer is tired, give the Lord your burdens and fill up on his strength (Matthew 11:28-30).

If you’re thirsty, get into His presence and fill up on his joy.

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.
John 6:35-37

10. Love Yourself Where You Are At.

Don’t wait. You don’t have to accomplish anything spectacular to become someone worth loving. Love yourself right now right where you are at.

Start with this simple prayer,

God, teach me to love myself. Teach me to view myself the same way You do, so that I can learn to love others with the same love you have for me. Amen. 
If you’re struggling to love yourself where you’re at, use these Bible verses about acceptance to help you peacefully give and RECEIVE God’s love.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:24-25

You don’t have to have it all together or have all the answers to receive God’s love right here, right now.

Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.
Romans 14:1

 

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33 Comments

  1. Loved this post! It so important to love yourself! When we realize how much God loves us, it’s so easy to love ourselves on every level. I resonated with number #4 while reading because i was just about to shove a doughnut in my mouth…..womp, womp, womp!…. Can pregnancy be an excuse? Haha! Thanks for sharing!

  2. As someone who didn’t used to love myself, God has taught me much. And, you’re right, you can’t really love others until you accept God’s magnificent love and love yourself. Thank you for the actionable steps.

    1. I’m glad you stopped in Tammy! I struggle sometimes with loving me but I keep drawing back to this truth! God’s creation is ALWAYS worth loving.

      1. Alonda are you the one that wrote this article? I am considering the fact of incorporating into my YouTube channel a sort of vlog on Respecting Ourselves from a Biblical perspective through God’s word. This material has given me some pointers in the direction to travel. Thank you.

        1. Hi there, Donald. Yes, I did write this article. A couple years ago. It’s one of those things that comes up so often in life, I love people are starting to address it from a biblical perspective.

          1. Thanks so much for the response. I find Isaiah 58:6-8 a very inspiring chapter to reviving our relationship with others and our Creator and Redeemer when we are intentionally engaged in act service for others needs. Here is a link to my YouTube channel. https://youtube.com/@showmeyourid_truth. I am going to share some of your material with our production department at 3ABN media ministry where I work. I am leading out in production worship this Wednesday. I also intend to put together some YouTube shorts on identity and how to love ourselves from a Biblical perspective. Pray your day is blessed.

  3. This was AMAZING! I’m going to use your 10 points in a counseling session with a certain student who really needs to see her worth. Thank you for this post.

  4. Alonda,
    Great post! Such wisdom for such a young woman. I “love” numbers 2 and 5 and 8 and 9! : ) Loving God is the beginning of all that is right. Love Him and love for everything and everyone else (yourself included) will follow. Thanks!

  5. I love these tips. Thank you 🙂 Re: #1: When I was going through a really rough time (and that’s sort of an understatement) I was praying and asked, “How could you love someone like me? Don’t you see how flawed/selfish/etc I am?” I suddenly felt warm and peaceful and for a moment, had a vision of myself perfected and flawless. I felt him say, “Who wouldn’t?” I know he knows who I truly am, even when I lose sight of it.

    1. I have a hard time with it too, especially when I have those “not at my best moments.” So glad his love for me is stronger than weight of my weakest moments!

  6. Love your thoughts on this subject and the list is so good! God doesn’t want us to carry around guilt and self condemnation. Thanks for linking up at Life is Lovely!

  7. Oh this is such a wonderful post, THANK YOU for sharing it on our link-up! This one really hits home, I’m a terrible person TO MYSELF. I’m constantly beating myself up, and I make comments about myself sometimes and my husband has to tell me to STOP. I have a bad habit of comparing myself and our life to others and it causes lots of sadness and discouragement sometimes. God has us on a journey and THIS is where we are supposed to be at this moment, so I need to just trust Him!

    Thank you so much for sharing this 🙂

    1. The comparison bug is hard one for me to escape to sometimes. I’ve been doing this Bible Study called “I didn’t want to be that girl” and it really is what sparked this blog post. A day or two into it we started learning about our identity in Christ and all the good He has to say about us. It made me really stop and think. Now when I start to compare my mind instantly plays back the words I read in the Bible and in that study. It really is a great one! I definitely recommend it to ladies across the board!

  8. yeah that is really important in life, if we don’t love our-self then we cant love anything. these are great tips that everyone should follow.

    1. Alex, you nailed it! We have to know love to give it, and we can start by understanding how much God truly loves us. Once we learn to love who He created us to be, it’s so much easier to extend love to others and meet them where they are at.

  9. We need to accept ourselves for who we are and who God dreated us to be, and then focus our lives on serving Christ.

  10. This is a great post and I love the list you created! I do want to add that while we should love ourselves and see ourselves through the blood of Christ, sometimes self-focus can backfire (especially in our self centered culture). I find that I am truly happiest when I lose sight of myself and focus on Christ or others. But it’s all about balance, and knowing you who you are in Christ first is a critical foundation!

    1. It’s definitely a balance! Just like anything else self-care can become and idol if we allow it to be. I think “loving others as we love ourselves,” is a pretty genius check and balance system. In a biblical context it encourages humility and guards against vanity by reminding us not to lift ourselves above others. At the same time it calls us into service just as Christ served those He loved. I love that.

  11. So I was thinking to myself that I can do pleasurable things like go eat good food, go to a fancy environment, go have sex, go play basketball and u will fill good about yo self but I know all these last for a moment and the good feelings vanish. I know the pleasure also in spending time with God it’s AWESOME, I think you for this article it’s good to know yo identity in Christ for you would not go hungry or thirst

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