How to Deal With Gossip In the Church (When The Gossip Is About You)
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Have you ever found yourself to be the topic of hot gossip at church? You don’t have to raise your hand or anything. I think it’s safe to assume we’ve all been there a time or two, myself included.
I remember transitioning from being a youth student to a young adult college student and hearing all the different talk about the changes (both good and bad) that I was making in my life along the way. Back then I played it off like it was nothing. Some days I even pretended to be flattered by people’s sudden interest in my life. But the truth is I was never really flattered, and their words never really slipped of my shoulder. The truth is, it hurt.
So what do we do about it?
Is there a way to properly and lovingly deal with gossip in the church?
When Gossipers In the Church Talk About You
I wanted to call them out on it. I can’t even tell you the number of times I have those conversations in my head; the witty, strategic, and effective words I planned to use to bring the perfect amount of conviction and just enough shame to ensure that the people talking would never open their mouths and speak ill or in vain about vainly about again. But that’s not how it works.
And as much as I want to let the hurt in me do the talking, start swinging, and fire back every kind of insult I could possibly come up with… That’s not how the God in me works either. And by choosing to live a life that honors Him I forfeit my “right” to combat this attack (because that’s what it is, a spiritual attack) in my own strength or on my own terms. Instead, here are 4 God-honoring ways actions that helped me gracefully respond to the gossip spread about me and the people spreading it.
How to Gracefully Respond to Gossip Happening At Church
1. Pray for the people speaking against you.
I think Jesus said it best in Luke 23:34, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
People may know it’s wrong, but I truly believe people don’t understand the damage their words cause until the paint splatters (that’s a Culture of Honor reference for there for anyone who didn’t catch it) and all of and hell (literally) breaks loose. Suddenly our words have begun to devour and eat at the lives of people around us and we have no clue. We have no clue how much ground we just gave the enemy or how much pain we just caused. We just don’t know, because we don’t understand the value of our words. We don’t look at our words with the same perspective heaven does.
It’s always in our best interest to forgive; but sometimes I think we need to act in the best interest of others and genuinely say, “Lord, they don’t understand the strength of what they are speaking. Forgive them.” Intercede on their behalf.
If you’re struggling to forgive, this post on biblical forgiveness can help encourage you.
2. Guard your heart against offense.
Offense causes division like nobodies business. So it’s important that we nip it before it buds and blossoms. Be vigilant in the guarding of your heart. Always forgive. Do not let any bitterness take root in you. I’ll confess, it takes a whole lot of Jesus for me to keep my heart in check sometimes. There are days I find myself praying against the same thoughts three or four times a day, but that is a step we can’t afford to skip over.
If forgiveness is something you’re struggling to be good at giving, check out the encouraging words in this article shared by Leah Grey of Grey Ministries.
READ “Experts Weigh In With Practical Advice On Forgiveness” By Leah Grey
3. Start blessing.
” But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven..” – Matthew 5:44-45
Have you ever stopped to imagine what the warfare scene in heaven is like when conflict arises in the church? I imagine it’s pretty intense. Let me remind you of this; just as heaven and it’s angels are on assignment, so are hell and its demons. Have you ever stopped to think that the hurt that grips you is a direct result of the manipulative hand of Satan himself? More often than not I guarantee you that’s the case.
The best way to combat what the enemy is working is to start blessing what God is doing. Bless the people who speak against you, bless what God is working in their lives. Stand in agreement with the Kingdom of Heaven.
We waste so much time dwelling on our earthly circumstances that we forget there are swords blazing and sparks flying in the heavens right now. There is a battle for souls going on and we are too stuck in “us” to notice. We need to start noticing and we need to pick a side. Are you with God or against Him? Let your actions speak accordingly. Start blessing what God is working.
4. Don’t let division take root.
Love beyond the circumstances. And remember who loved you first. I’ve known people who have stopped going to church all together over conflicts like this. In fact a few years ago I was one of them. But then my mom told me this,
“Don’t punish a perfect God for the action of imperfect people.”
Remember that you go to church to love on God and draw near Him in partnership with other believers. Don’t let the actions of a few imperfect people impose on your relationship with God. Keep going to church, keep loving, keep serving, and keep drawing near to Him.
Should You Confront the People Spreading Gossip In The Church?
By now you are probably asking yourself, “But what about the confrontation?” Truth be told, there may not even need to be one. God has a way a fighting our battles with such grace that often times if we let Him, He’ll handle it all. We won’t even have to lift a finger.
Other times God may give you the words to speak and confrontation may be a task He would like you to take on.
But I’m going to suggest that before you take matters into your own hands, you ask God what He in His wisdom would suggest you do. In instances like this confrontation isn’t about proving you were right and that someone else was wrong. It’s about protecting the relationship between those in conflict and the unity of the body of Christ. In this arena, confrontation is not something to walk into with pride and self-serving ambition.
You might also appreciate: How to Deal With Anger According to the Bible.
So before you go walking into confrontation do yourself a favor and wait on God. Follow His lead. Leave every selfish motive behind and put the heart and relationship of the person you are confronting in the forefront of your mind.
Love boldly, no matter the outcome of the conversation. In the end, it will all be worth it.
What advice would you give to someone who finds themselves dealing with gossip in church?
I know one older lady, and I love how she’s always “cutting off the wings of a rumour”. I’d like to be a woman who doesn’t gossip. Thank you for the reminder that it really affects people in a bad way!
I love the people who can nip it before it starts. I have so much respect for them!
Points well made. I was told if someone wants to gossip about someone else just ask “does this information have anything to do with me?” If it doesn’t to say”I can’t listen to this” and walk away.
Good advice! It’s worth it to step away. And I like how this wording offers personal accountability to anyone engaging in the gossip. It gives them an opportunity to change the topic of step away also.
I dont go to Church, I am a college freshman but I have been dealing with some really awful gossip about me in my dormitory. Feeling awful to be honest and this post helped me. I think I will pray for my attackers. Just last night someone came up to me and asked if I had done a very horrible thing (completely untrue). I don’t know, I am in a lot of pain and don’t know how to process it. I am miserable. I need someone to pray for me I don’t know. I Haven’t been very religious but I will try. I have prayed for myself and asked God to help me get through this but I don’t know. It feels insurmountable, like the pain will never end. Social exclusion has really hurt me, it has altered my sense of self. It feels like everyone knows, and makes me feel bad. People aren’t really talking about it. But a few weeks ago everyone was talking about it and it was excruciating. I didn’t know what to do. I hate that people spread this stuff about me. I hate that people smiled and took joy in accusing me of crimes I didn’t do. It isn’t fair. And then they get to walk around this dormitory and act like what they did wasn’t awful. It has made my life hell. I feel isolated and alone and paranoid and awful. I feel like this will never pass. I know no one cares genuinely. I wish this didn’t happen to me. It isn’t fair when there is so much evil in the world. I hate them so much, how can I forgive them? Im trying to read the Bible but Im stuck in this dorm and feel trapped, suffocated. It feels like I am drowning. I hate being the center of attention for so many. I hate them all so much. How can I forgive them, when what they think is funny was excruciating for me. It wasn’t. Why has the Lord put me through this. I need guidance, faith, I am suffering.
Hi David. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a rough spot. I can’t imagine to know what that’s like. I’m praying that God will introduce you to solid, kind, trustworthy men who can walk this walk out with you. And for the strength to keep forgiving even when it feels impossible to do. In the mean time, some things I’d recommend: if you have a dorm advisor or counselor you trust, I recommend reaching out them. I do They can point you towards local resources that help you sort through the hard and connect with good people. I also 10/10 recommend getting connected to a good local church. Not for the sake of being more religious but the sake of connecting with people who can encourage you, lift you up when you’re down, and love you like Jesus does. I don’t know exactly why God allows some of the trials that He does, but He promises He will be with us through them and He is faithful to keep His word. I’m praying for you. You are seen in loved by the God of creation. Hang onto that.
I’m very sorry for what David I has experienced. Be encouraged, I’m praying the peace of God over you Philipians 5:6-8. Verse 8 tells you what to think on, one being the truth! Christians who really want to be disciples ought to love what God loves and hate what He hates. Instead Christian’s choose to do their own thing. Revelations 21:8 informs us that All liars will have their part in the lake of fire and brimstone… Gossiping is lying because it is exposing information (true/ false) behind the back of the victim that causes hurt. We all may have transgressed in this sin, but it is to repent and turn from actions that do not please our God. My advice should someone try to trash someone else to me is to say God doesn’t like gossip. It may get awkward but at least you spoke up. There is also the ‘stare’ when they have said it; you give them a blank look and they will understand that you’re not going there with them. I am 60 years old and believe me age does not always equate to wisdom. I know the pain of being gossiped and defamed by brethren much older acting out their teenage selves along with their children and grandchildren. Where are the peacekeepers among us those that will speak up for those unable to ? We are in a spiritual war we must take a stand Amen!
Philippians 4:6-8 sorry a typo in my earlier message
I am praying for you David, that God will go before you and work this all out. Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord Himself goes before you, He will be with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.
I have had the same thing happen to me by someone I loved and trusted with my life. It felt like they tore out my heart. I listened to a LOT of KLOVE, read Psalms (speaks to emotions) and Proverbs (book of wisdom) a TON and asked God to show me hope. He did! Now I am completely on the other side with no bitterness or anger. I understand the deception the other person was under, even though I still do not excuse the behavior. I’m no longer in a relationship with that person but still talk to them every now and then without issues. God really can redeem anything!
Thanks for sharing your testimony Heather!
Depending on how bad it is, pray over it. Then handle this situation in a legal way. There is a thing called slander. If someone is accusing, you of a crime did not commit, this could be serious. You don’t have to just accept it and keep moving. I would call student service or whatever they have around there that handles incidents like yours and ask them the correct way to go about handling your problem. I would even talk to a lawyer, depending upon the situation.
In the mean time, pray to God in Jesus name for the Holy Spirit. Ask him for guidance, and strength to keep a cool head and not retaliate. Ask him to help you keep your head up, because you did nothing wrong. Remember this too shall pass. If doesn’t go your way, remember God will make a way because they gossiped and lied on Jesus. He was innocent too.
About 20 years ago, in college I was assigned a roommate. I wanted a private dorm. So, I moved out after three days when a dorm was free. About a month later, my roommate who had mental health issues, that I picked up on from our first meeting (another reason I moved), tried to commit suicide. There were several people that tried to make a connection between myself and that incident. I never said a mean word to her, told her upfront before meeting her on the phone, I would probably look for a private room. Anyway, I know the feeling. It made me very angry. I started acting according to what I thought people were saying about me.
I did not handle it well. That is why I say pray in Jesus name that God gives you the strength to handle the room like he would. Because the devil can get you tripped up and paranoid by just making you THINK, everyone is talking about you. When no one is even paying attention to you.
Prayers
David
My heart is burdened by your situation. I want you to know you’re not alone. We have a God that loves you.
I would like to share with you that I struggled as a kid and adult of finding true peace and love. I was much older 48, when I was totally at my lowest and pleading for God to help and had many times before. I had bought a book someone told me about 10yrs prior, the purpose driven life by Rick Warren. As I was cleaning out my ex husband stuff out of the closet, I saw that book. Now I had never read it. Anyway I sit down right in the closet and began to read this book. On the 7th or 8th chp he explains what salvation is and for the first time, reading this book I understood and received the Revelation of Jesus Christ that day. I repented and ask Jesus into my heart. Not long I was moved to another town right up the road to the church I now go to. So what I would like to say is you can’t do life on your own, you will need a Savior and his name is Jesus. I will be praying for you that you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior soon. You will need a spiritual family and church to continue to be in relationships with other Christian’s. When you do accept Jesus, you will have the Holy Spirit to guide you. Please know a spiritual journey is a process. Keep seeking for God’s Wisdom and Understanding of His Word. Stay focused on Him, that’s where you will find your Peace and Joy and Love.
I too am going through this with a well known member of my church. I really relate to most of the feelings you’re dealing with. I want to confront this person but as a follower of Jesus Christ I am called to do my best in letting His life live through me. So I looked closely at His life and actions while on this earth. Ok. So He turned the tables over in the temple. Great, I’ll turn this guys table over do to speak. But wait, why did Jesus do this? Because they had turned the table into a den of thief’s. Not my circumstance. So, Jesus was falsely beaten and falsely accused. Wait, falsely accused. Great. My circumstance. Falsely accused. Do what did Jesus do? Remained silent!!
Wow, how powerful. In the end Jesus wins. So, In faith I will choose to follow Jesus even when it hurts.
Hope this helps.
Life is full of lessons, learn from this and forgive yourself. You can’t stay in a place of brokenness,lies, backstabbing, gossiping, and making you the bad person. This is a strategy of the devil back. Don’t entertain, are explain to anybody. Take your power back and move on. However, they don’t talk about the skeletons in their closet, only yours. GOD LOVES YOU. I do too.🌸
Heavenly Father Please envelope Precious David in your Mercy, Healing, Comfort and Protection.
Let him know he is never alone, that you are near and that he can talk to you like he would a friend. In Jesus name Amen
Great post. People will talk no matter what you do. Married and had another baby. People talk. Already have four children and decide to adopt a fifth. People talk. Live in a nice house. People talk. Live in a shack. People talk. Your suggestions are great, especially “start blessing.” People will still talk because that’s what we do: ) I am so glad God fights our battles.
This is a great post. I have gone through this before. I guess the older I get the less I care and the more I let God fight my battles.
God is so much better at fighting battles than we are! It’s always best to keep Him first in the equation.
Alonda, thank you for a great article! Gossip is such a weapon of the enemy and his tactics are always to divide and conquer. Thank you for your tips on how to deal with a gossip situation and also,for reminding us of our purpose for going to church…to love on God! I needed that reminder. – Amy
http://www.stylingrannymama.com
I like this post a lot. I think an important aspect of discipleship among women is to encourage ladies to be the one to stop gossip in it’s tracks. I try my best to keep an eye on my own mouth, and make sure to change the subject if somebody i’m hanging out with seems to stirring the pot. It’s funny how quickly something so innocent can morph into gossip, I’ve been guilty of turning lighthearted conversations into gossip sessions!
I so agree with you!! I think this is key in discipleship! I think we’ve all been guilty of it. Most people don’t even see gossip as gossip. Or they assume that if it’s true it is ok to talk about which is not the case either. It can be tricky to navigate but it’s sure worth it to learn how to recognize and remove gossip from our lives.
I love this site. Yes, gossip and slander is as serious as murder. We must stand on God’s Holy Word and allow Him to fight our battles. I am not going to allow someone to use my ears as a trash can. God tells us that those who even listen to gossip and slander are liars. That’s serious! It takes a real person of strong character to tell a gossip to zip her lips and you don’t want to listen and walk away. I ask God every day in my prayer time to guard my heart and lips when I am engaging in conversation. The enemy is powerful and wants to bring a child of God down but God is greater and will help us in this area of a Christian’s walk. I am so,sorry that David has been so hurt but with God’s help, he will overcome and have victory. No one is exempt from being hurt in this area.
As long as we are focusing on God – let Him deal with them 🙂
This post was exactly what I needed to hear today. God bless
Praying you have a fantastic rest of your week! God’s in your corner. Always remember that 🙂
This is beautifully written. I absolutely love this post. Thank you so much for sharing! You are an inspiration! I needed to hear (or rather read) these words as I have gone through people talking about me. Thank you again!
I’m glad I could help in some small way. It’s never fun to be the topic of conversation when it comes to gossip, but I believe God blesses the one who take the high road.
Blessing is coming your way!
Great word of truth… people are just people – they are always going to be talking! But I love your reactions and tips – to pray, to bless others, these are all great tips!
Exactly, people are people. We all fall short and we all need a little bit of grace now and again.
This is well put together! The advice you offer is much needed within the church. It seems as if we’ve excused our women by letting them continue to gossip and calling it simply “girl talk.” I’ve seen this “harmless” talk ruin relationships and drive people out of church.
I too have seen it break hearts and divide the church and it is the saddest thing. We (women especially) need to step up and be more than this. Represent Christ in all things.
I don’t understand why people in the church gossip. I constantly have to evaluate if what I am saying is gossip or not, apologizing for my behavior, and then correcting it. The one place we should not be gossiped about… is church.
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Love this one! Being offended is usually a matter of boundaries. I’ve learned to just care about a few people and not mind as much about others and it has helped a lot.
I always have to remind myself to give grace. Your right, gossip doesn’t belong in the church (or anywhere really) but the sad truth is we are all human and we all mess up. With words it is so simple to cross the line. Which is were diligence in guarding and keeping the heart comes in.
Great verse to reference!
A great perspective on this topic! I’ve never thought about it being connected to spiritual warfare before. The real enemy isn’t the person gossiping, but the evil one – and God gives us the victory through blessing and forgiveness instead of holding bitterness or offence.
It has to start by us praying for the other – that things would get right!
As a pastor’s wife, I learned years ago that Psalm 3 is vital to our existence “Though oh Lord are a shield for me, the glory and the lifter of my head”. Focusing on who God is and WHAT He does keeps you in perspective no matter what anyone says!!!
Praying for the person and guarding our heart is so important during these situations. If we allow ourselves to be hurt by the other person we can become irrationally emotional and respond without self-control and grace. We truly don’t know what they are going through and what pain is leading them to speak negatively.
I’ve been praying against strife in church for a long time. It’s one of the worst sins in the church, and it spreads through gossip.
I pray for my tongue and mind a lot so that I may not sin
I tgink your advice is great. Thankfully I’m too boring to be gossiped about,
Thank you for sharing this. Gossip is eating away at the very fabric of unity in the body. It is always good to nip it in the bud before it becomes full blown. You make some excellent recommendations which we forget to follow or act on because of the hurt we feel. Bless you.
I think something is being said about me in the church and I don’t know what it is !💔 But people are not being as friendly and being short. I get dirty looks etc💔💔💔 I honestly don’t have a clue why…. Please pray for me, my wife and young adult children go to church with me. 💔💔💔
Hi Crispin, sorry for the delayed response! I’m sorry you and your family our dealing with that. It’s rough, I know.
God, I ask that you would guard this family and their hearts against all hurt. Keep them firmly rooted in your love and the wisdom of Your words. Guide their steps and every interaction. May they be vessels of grace that speak the truth in love even when it’s hard and hurts. I ask that and division or contentions that are the result of gossip or ill speech would be mended. Lead every member of the church toward just and honest speech and away from the temptation to let their speech run away with them. May every word of their mouth and thought of the heart be honoring to you. Use this circumstance for Your glory, In Jesus’ name, amen.
I hope it is better for you and your family now?
I pray for your family.
I pray someone in the Lord in your chuch leadership had stood in the gap by now, to comfort and encourage your family, and talked with the people who treated you guys ungodly.
If the leadership refuses to help by stalling, shake off the dust of your saddles, by writing a clear statement to pastor and leadership why your family is leaving the church.
When we are connected closely to Jesus, He would always take us to higher ground, not to focus on feeling pitiful for ourselves, but to pray that God to move His to take out the yeast, and your family to continue to shine His Light, not at a sinful church, but a Body that can genuinely communicate honestly face to face.
May God comfort you and mold you through sufferings, to live your lives genuinely, follow God’s disciplines because we love Him, so others can see that we are christians, and give glory to our God.
I’m using your words as my plan to combat Gossip inside our church. I’ve always had the right idea but you gave me the reason to move above those women that continue to spread ill of others.
Thank you, I’m happy to have found this and have agreed we need a reason to trust God has our back.
So glad this post was helpful for you, Nancy! It’s definitely not always easy but I 100% believe God is honored when we respond with His word as our guide and not our emotions. I’m rooting for you!
One commenter on this post said “our women” are the problem when it comes to gossip, but it’s a wrong perception that our men don’t also gossip, and that’s just as bad. A while back my husband, who at that time worked in the oil field, made the comment that men gossiped just as much as women, and sometimes more. He acknowledged that most of those men weren’t Christian’s, so you shouldn’t expect more from them, so to me that means there should be a higher bar for men, claiming to be Christians in church. Get around a group of men, even in church, and you’d be surprised the things they discuss amongst themselves. My husband has been in conversations at church where he had to walk away from a group of men who were consistently gossiping. He walked away from church because of the hypocrisy. I’m NOT saying that was the right way to handle it, but he couldn’t stand it anymore. If the pastors won’t put an end to it, there’s little chance someone in the congregation will be able to. No one is perfect but it seems once we become born-again Christians, things should change including our speech and the way we talk about people. Men should no longer look strictly at the appearance and hemlines of the women at church but should see them as sisters and value them. Women in return should treat the men as brothers, dressing modestly (but stylishly) so as not to make it harder for men to keep their eyes on Jesus. We are not saved by how we dress but don’t make it even harder on men who struggle with this and haven’t overcome it yet. God said don’t do things that might make a fellow believer stumble. We should guard each other’s reputation as if we were guarding a close family members reputation or our own. Suppose there IS ongoing sin in a believers life. That’s not something to broadcast. If we truly are that concerned we should take those concerns to a trusted pastor or other leader and then be part of restoring that brother or sister to the Lord. We may find out the rumors aren’t even true, but even if they are, it’s never appropriate to spread them around unless that person is doing something to intentionally divide the church; then we may have to warn the body but only after the issue has been discussed behind the scenes and acknowledged to be true, and that person still refuses to repent. Pastors have also gossiped about people, from the pulpit, by calling someone out in a sermon, or giving just enough description so everyone knows who they’re talking about even if they don’t mention the persons name. That person has no way to defend themselves and sits in stunned silence and embarrassment. The pastors don’t stop to think of what it’s doing to the person In the pews, who never even saw it coming. The pastor believes the rumors being spread, instead of doing what the Bible says which is confront one on one; if that doesn’t work bring a witness, then, if even that doesn’t work, THEN tell it to the church. (I’ve seen that happen more than once) And gossip can happen even in a prayer group. Prayer request CAN be given in a group without always mentioning the persons name. Only if the person tells us beforehand it’s okay to mention their name to a group should we identify them. Not everyone in a prayer group can keep a prayer request confidential. If someone knows themselves too well to believe they can keep things confidential then they should not be in a prayer group to begin with. They should wait until they’re mature enough to be able to keep it quiet. Imagine a mom and dad finding out the son they raised in church is gay, or a daughter is on drugs. They tell a friend they think they can trust. That friend tells his or her prayer group and mentions the family name, without asking the family first if that’s okay, then an immature member of the group spreads the information around the church. and it gets back to the family. They thought they were confiding in a friend only for prayer support, and didn’t want the whole church to know. The news would have eventually gotten out but maybe not so soon, and by then God might have divinely intervened and turned things around, so now it’s not a source of gossip and rumors, it’s a testimony of Gods grace. What unnecessary grief that family went through, feeling like the brunt of hurtful side glances and whispers, realizing now the church knows everything. And not all of those talking about it will pray, they just want to participate in gossip sessions. Have you noticed the more a rumor is spread, the more details are added along the way, so at the end it’s greatly exaggerated from how it started out?…..The best way to stop the gossip mill is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If others see you refusing to participate it might cause at least some of them to do the same. If you don’t want people falsely accusing you or spreading rumors about you, then don’t do it to them (or their children)…If they’re caught in a sin do all you can to help restore them. Don’t just talk about the word of God, DO what it says. And if you’re the subject of gossip yourself it can be difficult as you find there’s no way to defend yourself to a church full of people, some you may not even know yet. Only those closest to you that truly know the real you, will refuse to believe the rumors. Everyone else will believe whatever they hear because most don’t have discernment, or ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit. But take heart ❤️, in Gods eyes, the false accuser should be more distressed than the falsely accused person. It’s not even really our business, it’s GOD’S business, to discipline the accusers. We may never see it with our eyes but God often works behind the scenes to bring correction to a false accuser, on our behalf. Easier said than done, but we should learn to not even let it bother us, as long as we know we’re not guilty. It should be the accuser who’s feeling the strain of bearing false witness. And even if there’s a time when you WERE guilty, but you’ve since then truly repented, God sees you as innocent of all charges. It might take a while but God knows how to set the record straight.
Thanks for joining in on the conversation! Your experiences highlighted some really valuable points. First, the point about gossip being a people problem and not just a women’s problem. And ESPECIALLY the point about prayer requests and church prayer turning into gossip! I’ve witnessed that too on numerous occasions. As people walking in love we must be careful with the words we speak. Even in private settings. It’s part of showing honor to God and the people He loves. When we lead with honor, a lot of the obstacles that create division dwindle away.
Someone at church has gone around talking crap about me and I know it, but she will not admit to doing it. I knew because I could tell people were acting differently towards me. She won’t admit to doing it at all. God help me forgive her in my heart as you would
I’m sorry you’re experiencing that. It’s always hard when it happens. Praying that God would instruct and keep you both and that forgiveness and healing come quickly.
Gossip is a universal problem for believers and nonbelievers alike. We all fall short of the glory of God, because we all live in the flesh. Forgive them for they know not what they do.
Wise words, Sir.
I knew someone who was raped, then the perpetrator spread lies about it and an older women spread it all around until it passed to the girls old church. One Saturday night service, the pastor talked about her – accusing her and condemning her of all manner of vile sins. She heard the sermon remotely and was sent into intense CPTSD flashbacks which she is still recovering from.
I know you all think, we are human and mess up… but no, we have to take accountability for our horrific sins and stop it.
This is an issue far bigger than gossip. I 100% agree accountability is necessary. I hope this person was able to find a community that would treasure and protect her. That is the heart and core of a biblical pastor and biblical womanhood. I’m sorry that was withheld from her.
I know of a pastor that likes listening to gossip. She has this whole lot of information about what people said and do. Would like to know if this is ideal.
I don’t think its healthy for believers to be engaged or to entertain gossip. There are much healthier and fruitful ways to use our time.
Thank you for sharing this. I truly needed some advice in this area. False rumors were spread about me to friends, and people in the church from someone I was in a relationship with. People have come up to me to say hurtful things to me out of nowhere on random occasions, people I thought were friends started to ignore me, and when I asked why they would continue to ignore me. Some of the people in the church stopped talking to me, I stopped getting invited to gatherings and etc. Yet my ex was still admired and loved in the eyes of many. My ex that talked about me, talked about others too. I would ask them why are they sharing this information, and change the subject. I’ve held a grudge for about 7 months now. I struggled with wanting to stand in front of the church, and tell them all of the things that this person has said about everyone. My intent was to make this person pay for their sin. However, after reading your message, you reminded me that I am the salt; and what good is salt, if it loses its saltiness. So instead I prayed over him blessings. Now I’m praying for forgiveness in my heart, and for God to remove this grudge. I’m deeply wounded, and I’ve stopped going to church, but tomorrow will be my first day back. What your mother said was pure wisdom. Thank you so much!
Last week I experienced the lady Vicar and the lady Safeguaring Officer gossiping about me in relation to my reaction/undertsandable relief to passing and completing the first two Safeguarding modules. The Vicar and the Safeguarding Officer were heads togethher and laughing about it. I was one pew behind them in the Church and could clearly hear some of their comments. I am a new Member of the Church’s PCC and am both upset, disjusted and angry by what I have experienced.
I’m so sorry!! It’s never easy to over hear stuff like that. I’m praying God gives you perfect peace in the midst of the hurt and grace to love them even when they were unloving.
For years my sister has gossipped about me to our mutual christian friends. No matter how much I forgive or even talk to her about the evil of gossip, it continues. There are 2-3 women in the group who 99% of the time believe everything she says. Because of this I’m not treated with love by these ladies often dismissing me altogether. It no longer hurts me what they say but why does it continue. I’m aware that in everything God has a purpose..so with that I forgive and be kind but to no avail.
I’m sorry you’re in the middle of all that. I’m sure its hard. Good for you for continuing to forgive and not letting it come between you and your relationship with the lord.
My SIL has gossiped about me for over 25 years now and I’ve never said a word. The most hurtful thing is although no one has ever asked me, that people believe her. Nothing has ever changed no matter how much I forgive and show love, she continues the hateful words against me. I sometimes feel as if God hasn’t noticed because she’s gotten away with this for years. She has even caused my MIL to believe these things because she’s with her on a daily basis continually putting these things in her head. My husband talked to them both about it and they never missed a beat…kept right on.
I give up; the hurt is getting to be too much.
It’s hard when we love and forgive and people keep hurting us. Sometimes our forgiveness doesn’t initiate the change we’d hope to see, but its still so worth while. In my own life I’ve found that forgiving people even when they aren’t sorry helps me keep my heart from hardening. It protects me from the damage that comes with bitterness. Sometimes the next best step after forgiving is setting boundaries with people who degrade you. That too can be challenging. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that hurt Donah. I’m wish you the best and pray it gets better.